An amazing 2 weeks.

These past 2 weeks have been great. I doubt I'll ever forget all the fun things that happened.

In short:

SJ-Sac-LA-Riverside-SD-LA-Riverside-LA-SJ-SF-SJ


Now, to get back to the gym... I know I let loose with my diet these past 2 weeks. I need to remedy this situation.

My 'last' night

I don't really know what to type right now. I have so many thoughts. I just know that I'm not ready to go back home. I've created something here in SoCal that I don't want to leave. I always have loved coming down here, and now that feeling is multiplied. Maybe after I graduate, I'll move down here permanently. It's really much nicer here. At least I can be much closer to my dad that way. Who knows though... Time will tell.

All I know for sure is that I had a great week here. One I doubt I'll forget. I'll miss you guys.



This song is my jam right now too.

Every December...

Here's to 23 years, R&D... Happy Birthday guys.

Oh and I forgot...

I'm now on my fourth year of keeping an active blog. I still don't see myself stopping for a while... I love reading this journal. It's the best way for me to organize my feelings thru writing so I can interpret my own thoughts. I see so clearly now.

This song reminds me of when I started this blog. Don't you remember the winter you moved to sac??? Staying up all night building your ikea furniture that you still use today??? haha... yup, winter 08. good times.

It all falls down...

Here's the thing. When things are going good for me, I always find a reason to make things go bad.

Also, I'm unhappy because I don't have what I want, so I make things worse because I am frustrated.

Just gotta keep movin' on...

Finishing the semester like a boss.

Lit review = done... Challenge accepted? Challenge complete.

I literally started this literature review 28 hours ago. I worked from 11pm Sunday night until 5am Monday. Then again from 10pm Monday until 3:30ish (right now). Now to proof this bad boy...

Freaking out at 3am

This is what grad school is all about...

Are we there yet?

I can't wait until this semester is over with... I really, really, really just can't wait.

I'm about 1/2 done with what needs to get done before Dec 15th.

I'm looking forward to a nice, long, and relaxing winter break.

It's coming along nicely.

... I'm referring to my Scale Development paper, of course...

I mean, what else would I be referring to???

Haha, *wink wink*

Can't wait for 2 weeks from now. :)

Deep Thoughts?

If people could predict the future...

Why don't people just predict the future of where they originally were going to predict the future?

Just a thought.

I just love life right now. I mean, what's there to hate? Sometimes I don't realize how good I really have it, and not only that, how good I'm going to end up having it down the line in LIFE...

I've got everything I need: ambition, potential, and dreams I want to pursue... I know that I'll be successful one day... Because I have convictions behind the things in life that I want... and no, I don't mean that from a materialistic viewpoint... I'm really talking about how I want my life and everyone around me to benefit from my future success... I want to make the people that have cared for me happy and proud, as well as give back the many things that they've given me and pass these things on. That alone is what drives me to be successful, at whatever I finally decide to do in life.

I don't know if I've already met you, but I wonder where you are.

These are my really deep thoughts. It's almost spooky.

SouthCali Weekend Recap

I could not have asked for a better weekend with my family down in LA. I have plenty of memories from these past few years, but this weekend probably ranks as one of the most memorable.

So me and Zak left on Wednesday... Got into LA around 10pm. First night there, me, Rashad and Omar got really hungry and got some Jack... ;)

Thursday we cooked all day, watched the Niner game, ate dinner, and then prepped for a long night of shopping at Ontario Mills.

Friday I barely got any sleep, but I woke up and went to La Habra to go visit my Dad at my uncle's place. We talked and had a great Thanksgiving dinner (again). After that, I drove home (tired) and crashed.

Saturday morning, I went with Rashad to drop off my aunt and uncle at LAX for their flight to China... Then we went back home and got ready to leave for USC vs. UCLA tailgating action. Later in the night, we went over to this bar by the house (901), and got some drinks... I had came back from the restroom and noticed that there was this really pretty asian girl sitting next to my cousins... So, I did what any interested guy would do and started talking to her... We were completely hitting it off for a while and then my cousins decided it was time to leve and get some dinner... I was kinda disappointed that I was leaving her, and in general, I felt like I was missing out on a HUGE opportunity to really get to know this person... So I made a decision, I told my cousins that I was gonna go back and try my luck with the girl. They were cool about it... So I went back to the bar, repaid cover, and looked for her... Luckily, she was sitting in the exact same spot as she was earlier. I told her that I was sorry I left, but I had to go say bye to my cousin (a little white lie). We talked for a while, and I was completely loving our convo. I asked her if she wanted me to walk her home... so I walked her home... She said she didn't want to go home just yet and that she wanted to keep talking to me, so we went to Dennys (starbucks was packed), and we got some coffee. We talked for another hour, and I really started to like this girl. She was one of those types that you would bring home to your mother: intelligent, beautiful, and in general, a girl that you would love to get to know... (haha). Anyways, we left and I started to walk her home. We got close to her house and we were kind of 'hug-walking' (I was trying to keep her warm)... We stopped walking and started to really hug, and then I went in and kissed her. She didn't want to go home just yet, and luckily my car was parked 2 blocks away... so we sat in my car and just talked for 2 more hours... by this time it was 3am, and we were both tired... I realized that I really liked this girl, and I didn't just want this to be a one time thing, so we exchanged contact info... I told her I'd be back in LA in 3 weeks so I wanted to see her again... I felt like I really connected with her, and she wasn't just any girl you could meet at a bar... She was really down to earth, intelligent, verrrrrry pretty, and she was studying to become a nurse at CSULA... (just my type of girl, haha). I really hope that I get to see her when I come back down next month... She said she hopes to see me again too :)

Yeah, I know, I'm completely smitten, as Lindsay pointed out to me earlier today.

And then came Sunday... A feeling of absolute dread came over me as I woke up earlier knowing that my really amazing weekend was coming to a close. Me, Rashad, and Dahlia went to Jacks N Joe for some breakfast and then it was off to Walnut to say goodbye to my Dad before I left. Picked up Zak and Mona, and before leaving SouthCali, we stopped in Pasadena for some Lunch... The drive home pretty much sucked, but I had a good time talking with Zak and Mona about my newly-formed crush... They gave me some pretty good advice about my situation since they've gone through something similar so I'm not afraid to see where this goes... (I'm hoping somewhere good).

I can't wait til I'm back in Southern Cali again.

Post #2 of the night: Should I light a candle?

Anyway, what else has been on my mind lately?

Relationships.

There are some things in life which one should just avoid at all costs. It's like those relationships people have where once things go past friendship, it can never return to its previous state. When friends have mutual feelings, and they both agree to a relationship, things will never ever be the same. It will always be awkward, even if things end well... or worse, the friendship ceases to exist after a bad breakup... But what if things ended up perfectly? As in a successful marriage with beautiful children? That's something I'm still waiting to see with my own eyes... and probably won't see for a long time.

Sometimes I feel like I struggle to keep away from the temptations of love. Once I start to develop feelings for someone, it's hard for me to NOT pursue those feelings or tell them about it... most of the time, it ends up with my heart being broken, and an awkward friendship afterward. Or even sometimes, it gets so awkward that we just can't be friends anymore.

I've already made up my mind that I don't wanna get married til at least the age of 28. But, what if, I end up falling for someone before then? Like even if I end up falling in love with someone in the coming year? It's entirely possible. What am I supposed to do? Follow my heart or follow my logic? We all know that love is irrational and at many times illogical... What would I do?

Plus, there are days where I feel like I just want to be with someone... for whatever reason (companionship, the physical aspect, or just the feeling of being wanted/loved)... I mean, I want to focus on my studies and making a successful career for myself... and to me that means avoiding love and all of its temptations at all costs. But still, what if I just fall for a girl? I won't be able to help myself. I know myself too well to think that I can fall for a girl and not desire and pursue a romantic relationship. This is probably going to be the biggest obstacle that I will face in the next 5 years of life -- my quest to attain a higher education vs. my love of love. Of course, the win-win situation will be finding a woman who is just as passionate as I am for a higher education, and so our relationship will be 2nd priority to finishing graduate school.

One can only hope. One thing's for sure, time will definitely tell.

I've always thought about this...

... and I guess I finally figured it all out.

Our lives outside of school aren't that much different.

Yet, I feel like I don't have the same social life you do.

It's the distance.

Missing all the good times from back with my homies in Sac.

If it ain't broke...

don't fix it.

Why am I questioning my current method of doing things? I need to stick with what has been working all along, and forget all the critics.

Y'all never did anything to help me anyways.

I was just wondering...

I love chillout music. So relaxing. Not a care in the world. Goodnight y'all.

11-15-11 -- 199.8lbs

Well guys, I did it. I achieved my goal on the day of my deadline. There's something about accomplishing a goal you set out for yourself that is very satisfying... and that's what I am right at this moment -- satisfied... but I know for sure, I have plenty of room for improvement.

Here's to another year of my life... I can't wait to see the difference.

SPSS

I have an SPSS quiz to do but I'm not really in a stats mood right now... I feel like doing cardio because I had 2 slices of deep dish chicago pizza for dinner... it was the best thing I've eaten in the past week... but now I feel like I need to go run 5 miles. I guess I'll be up all night... again... I'll be feelin' all cracked-out in the stat lab tmrw. Ahh... I love the stress school puts on me.

This post won't make much sense but,

Sometimes, it's hard to be yourself.

I'm enjoying it though. It makes life easier when you don't care about impressing other people all the time and you can just relax and be yourself.

202 with about a week to go... I'm almost at my goal.

Where you should be.

How can I feel good about this life I'm living,
When you're not here right beside me,
Not here, Where you should be

Sometimes it feels like I might as well just turn around and give in,
Cos you're not here,
Where you should be,
Not here, Right beside me.

Under The City Lights

Love this. I'll be slapping this in my car for a while.

Doing my own thing. (12 days left)

The next few days, I'll be doing my own thing... minding my own business... and getting some serious work done.

I know this post is on the 4th, but it's only like 1am so I'm still on the 3rd... That means I have 12 days left to put in as much work as I can...

Anywho, I've also got a bunch of school work to catch up on, exams to study for, projects to finish, and research proposals to start...

From now until Thanksgiving, it's game on, school.

"I'm not just playing to win... I'm playing to annihilate" (reference to a post in 2009, lol)

Cleanse.

I need to stay clean this week. I messed up bad with all the food from this past weekend, but it's nothing I can't recover from. Just gotta stay clean this week, and everything else will just fall into place.

"Train your mind, and your body will follow."

To be honest,

I ate a LOT of food today... Or, at least it seems that way, but I only ate 1900 cals. So really, after lifting earlier, I'm at 1400 net for the day... and that's including 250g of protein spread out throughout my day... YAY ME!

hungry and sleepy

I'm hungry and sleepy... I'm at 1800 cals for the day... Just about 70% of those cals are protein. I guess I'll just go to sleep so I'm unconscious of the hungriness... While I'm at it, I'll listen to some Chillout DnB with some rainymood.com in another tab right behind it. :)

Goodnight folks :)

The rain.

Open rainymood.com in a separate tab... Listen to the music video. Enjoy :)

School

I need to start getting into homework mode... I need to finish this midterm.

Getting into a school mindset is always tough for me, but once I do, things happen quickly...

Progress.

I'm somewhere on this road to my goal... Less than 4 weeks til Nov. 15 -- I'm still trying hard to hit my goal, although it's always an uphill battle.

The funny thing is...

my last post is step-by-step exactly how my weekend went... Except for the homework on Saturday night part... What was I thinking saying I would ever do hw on a Saturday night...

Lol, anyways, this week should be fun...

Monday: Wake up, gym, school, prep for my 276 presentation

Tuesday: finish prep, school

Wednesday: school & probably a little fun afterwards to unwind from my LONG 3 day school week... hahaha that was clearly me being sarcastic. Still, I love my Wednesday nights.

This weekend:

Alright, so it's Thursday afternoon, which means I'm currently in the stat lab... I'm not really doing much besides helping a few students out with some printing issues...

So anyway, I thought I'd outline my weekend. Not that it's important to anyone, I'd just like to visualize the next few days.

Thursday: Finish up in the stat lab, eat a light dinner (possibly?), Gym, eat again.
Friday: Wake up, drive to San Francisco, visit Mom & family, drive to Fairfield, Gym with Matt, eat?
Saturday: Kaden's birthday in Vacaville, Drive home to SJ after, possibly do some homework?
Sunday: Chill, watch football possibly hit up Zak and work on our Psyc 270 project. Gym?

So yeah, that's my weekend in a nutshell... I've gotta prepare for a tough week in groups @ work next week as I'm presenting 2 articles, and I guess I need to start thinking about my research proposal for organizational psyc.

So, you pretty much could say everything is going well. :)

Tired.

Alright, I have a Psychometrics quiz tomorrow... That means, that I'll start studying in the AM... I'm pretty prepared for whatever comes my way anyways -- the class itself isn't much harder than what I've studied in undergrad... or maybe I just have a knack for this area of psych methodology. On to other things, I'm starting to get really annoyed... not with that certain issue about grad school -- that issue is now behind me... The thing I'm starting to really get annoyed with is the amount of groupthink & (ironically) group polarization I'm starting to see among my peers... I understand that we ALL had an issue, but seriously, this constant discussion of this topic is like beating a dead horse. I'm really tired of it. Let's move on to a new topic shall we? Maybe something a little more proactive or happier? I mean, no one said grad school was going to be easy. I've already spoke my mind in front of my entire class... and that's all I'm gonna be able to do -- speak my mind. What now? Keep pouting? NOPE... not happening... I say, let's keep moving forward, start taking our education into our own hands, and roll with the punches. It's not that bad anyway. Stop with the negativity... I'm done with this subject.

Farewell my friend...

No, I'm not being emo or anything... I just really like this song... it really gets you.

Sunday night thoughts...

I'm going to the gym -- it's almost midnight... Suffice to say I'll be up all night. (Lot's of reading to catch up on) Oktoberfest was fun. Pretzel necklaces were genius. I walked 3 miles to get home... (AT&T park --> Fulton & Gough) I miss a lot of groups of people right now... (i.e., family, mom & dad, riverside fam, sactown homies, csus drumline homies) *sigh* The best gift I could wish for would be for me to be with everyone that I love. Am I homesick? No, far from it actually... I just miss my friends and fam.

Something is missing...

I'm not sure who or what it is.

The early worm catches the worm?

I have no idea why I woke up at 4:30am, but I'm going with it this morning. Today's agenda: 5:45am Gym, 8:00am Head to SF, 9:00am DMV to get my registration sticker... I think I need to head to AmCan to pick up my aunt sometime later in the day as well... Alright, sounds like a plan. Catch y'all later.

Young me.

I miss the Philippines.

I suck

...at school. What am I even doing in grad school? :( I led a discussion with my group today in one of my classes... the whole time I (sort of) felt like I didn't know what I was talking about... or at least, I felt that way... most people told me I did fine... I don't believe them. All this makes me wanna do is work harder... because I just feel like I'm not doing as well as I can...

Stephanie,

I would usually write this somewhere else, but I'd rather just write it here... I remember the day we first met... what was it, June 16th 2010??? Yeah, something like that... It was very memorable... I remember all of our chats, skypes, texts, calls, etc. During the past year-plus, I've felt like you've been the one person I could connect with and share my most intimate details with... I don't think I've ever found a girl I could do something like that with. That's why losing you is so hard on my end... Stephanie, you've been more than a great friend to me... I've no doubt fallen for you since last summer... that's the sad part, our timing sucks. Goodbye, friend.

School is getting better.

I think that the biggest problem out of all my problems with school right now is that I'm lazy... just downright lazy. I have so many things to read and I never want to do it... It's like, the hardest part is to start reading... after that, I quickly that realize reading isn't so bad; it's actually something I enjoy. I'm still confused about it all... Maybe as time passes, school will get clearer... Maybe.

Runaway.

Ok, so I've done some reevaluating of my workout routine... Basically, the past few months have been all about getting bigger and stronger... While that was all fine and dandy, I noticed that I have been neglecting my cardio after my weightlifting sessions. It's resulted in me not necessarily gaining weight, but staying the same weight for over a year now. I have a goal which I set up for myself for November 15th, and with my old routine, I just would never meet my goals in time... SOOOOO, I'm gonna start focusing on running more (having cardio-only days)... running at least 15 miles a week, as well as spreading out my weightlifting days to allow for more recovery in between. I hope by doing that, along with maintaining a slightly more regulated diet should do the trick and I should meet my goal by November 15th... So yeah, it's time to put the work in and see the results... I can talk about doing things as much as I want on here, but the results will only show if I'm willing to put in the hard work... Will it happen? Only time will tell.

Gym Time!

After working from 3pm to 1:30 am on all my I-O Psyc stuff... I'm gonna go relax my mind by hitting the gym. Some call me crazy, I'm just Raymond.

HDR

I love photos like this; the colors really come out.

I feel like I am sooo behind in school already. What is wrong with me??? Eh, its nothing... I've always been a natural procrastinator; my best work usually comes from the pressure of a deadline.

Let's play the blame game.

Just got back home from one of the most memorable weekends I've ever had. To be honest, this weekend changed everything. I'm so grateful for all the blessings I have received in my life. I will never forget this trip. I love my family -- especially Dad, Grandma Helen, and Lola Pepay... I already miss everyone. "Yeezy taught you well."

All is ready.

All is ready for another weekend which will be spent in SoCal... Last Wednesday after my first day of grad school, I drove up to Sacramento and chilled with the homies for a couple of days. It was pretty chill... and I tried Marie's donuts for the first time... straight up delicious... Friday came around, and me and Justy drove down to Pico Rivera. I had some free time so I went to go see my Dad while Justin was at police testing. I'm really glad I got to see my Dad for the brief time I was able. After that, me and Justin went to San Diego to visit Nick. We went to the Gaslamp Quarter... started drinking at 6, gone by 9, and in bed by 1. HAHA.

It was a fun night, just chillin'... the three of us. Sunday came and we made the trip back to Sacramento... got into Sac around 11. Went to the gym, and then drove back to San Jose that night... it was a crazy night. So now it's Tuesday night, I have a flight tomorrow night after I get out of class to Ontario from San Jose airport. I can't wait to go back to SoCal and see all my cousins and family. I still have to wake up early tomorrow, so I'm gonna keep this blog post short. I packed all my stuff, and all is ready to go when I get out of class for another weekend of activities. There might even be a round 3 next weekend. We'll just have to wait and see.

First Day.

I've been waiting for 8 months for today, the first day of grad school. Now it has come and gone. I feel like, for the time I waited, it was totally worth it to get back into school. I can't wait to get back to learning more, doing more, and starting to feel sick of school again... haha, it never fails to happen throughout a semester. Alright guys, I'm about to hit the sac(k)... yes, that's right I also drove to Sac tonight. Me and Justin are going down to LA and SD this weekend. Maybe I'll have more to write sometime this weekend. Peace

Fear.

Archives of the past where our lives were intertwined... I'm glad I have these memories, even if they still haunt me... From time to time you still cross my mind, the scars you left are reminders of good times...good times I am thankful to have experienced... with you.

Goodnight.

Bittersweet poetry

Enjoy these days Raymond; these days are numbered. Magic number: 2

Wintsprummer vacation is just about over... I can't wait to start using my brain again.

The Longest Road

Something keeps telling me that what's left of this Summer is only going to get better.

It's almost (bed)time.

Alright, so I just bought my tickets for Ontario. Gonna be heading to socal on August 31, at 9pm... So that pretty much means that right after I get out of class, I'm gonna have to head to the airport. I'll be there til Labor Day in the morning. I can't wait to go south and see my family, especially my Dad. I haven't seen him since May... or was it June? I can't exactly remember... either way, I'm excited.

Also, I'm gonna be heading to Sac next Wednesday night, right after my first day of grad school. I'll probably kick it at Ricky and Justin's place (if they let me) and then on Friday (Aug 26) me and Justin are gonna head down to LA and then SD... I think it's gonna be a fun time.

I'm really excited about what's coming up soon. Tomorrow I have orientation, Saturday is the I/O Psyc bbq, and then I have 2 days to prep for school! I have been waiting so long for this... at least, til school starts, I can still live it up...

Now, I guess it's bedtime... Time to pop that melatonin and switch off the lights... Yeah, I know it's not even 9pm, but I need to learn to sleep at a normal time so I can wake up at a normal time.

Before I go to sleep...

I just wanted to.... no, I just NEEDED to write this somewhere.

If you are ever lucky enough to find your soulmate sometime during your journey through life, never ever let that person go; you will always regret it.

Now, for me, being at the young ripe age of 23, I know that I can't speak from my vast knowledge of relationship experience on this one... so this is all coming from my naive little mind... But that doesn't matter... I'm 100% certain that one's soulmate is the one person in the entire world that sees you for you, and accepts and loves everything you are. So if you're lucky enough to find that in this world, don't let go... Don't let distance, school, or anything else get in the way... Trust that you'll find a way through.

I'm glad we talked tonight. You've been missing in my life for so long.

Getting closer...

This weekend should be fun... One of my last weekends I have left to do whatever I want... Headed to Fairfield today, then babysit tomorrow... Then Saturday is Rosie's b-day party, then back home Saturday night. Then Sunday back to just chillin'. Which reminds me, I need to get a job.

Hate

find a new hobby girl... the sooner the better because you're just an obsessed groupie... I'm glad you understood/understand.

why?

Why did I just get the urge to suddenly call you... text you... skype you??? Check my other blog. I left something there for you.

Alright so now the plan is to get back on track. Gotta stay focused on my goals...

Fiesta Night

I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by some great family members that are amazing to be around every year. At the same time, I can't help but hate on those who completely ignore me, don't show any love for, and act like I don't exist. Y'all act like you're better than me... but guess what... You're not better than me... period. I realize where I'm goin' in life, and I hope you realize where you're going in life. Trust me, it ain't better than where I'm headed. So yeah, continue on... figure that out... and later on in life, where you see what level I'm at, go ahead... finally say hi to me, and I'm sure I'll have words for you... not like those words will matter to me then... but they sho will matter to YOU then.

can't wait til these tables are turned on your sorry asses. ..

Hey, You

Yeah you. You reading this...

Why are you reading this (my blog)? No really, I want to know... Do you have anything you want to say to me? Leave me a comment on this post... it would be interesting to see if anyone actually does have something they want to tell me, or have a comment about my blog (or even bothers to read this)... I don't think I've had anyone comment for over a year. Not that it affects my affinity for my blog/changes how I feel about it... I mean, I'm still gonna post my thoughts, feelings, and stories.... I always have a lot to say... even if I have no audience besides myself.

So I've moved in to my new place in San Jose. I like it here. I have freedom once again like I did in Sacramento. Albeit, I have no friends here, just yet... (besides my housemates). I'm sure a month into the fall semester, I'll have maybe 1 or 2 friends... lol, we'll have to see how that goes... hopefully there are some attractive girls in my master's program *crosses fingers*...  Anyway, I'm about to hit the hay; just had a really grueling swole session and I'm pooped. I like the fact that the 24 hour fitness here is open, well 24 hours a day... not like the one on Ocean ave in SF, which closed at 2 and reopened at 5... that place should be called 21 hour fitness...

Anyway, things here are going great, and this Saturday is the novena fiesta back in SF... Something that I love going to every year because there are always about 200-300 people who show up... not that I know them all, but it's kinda cool to go to a big ass family party with hella extended family and friends. Maybe I'll have stories to tell in my next post (e.g., last Thursday night, last Saturday night at Frank's b-day in Concord, Monday/Tuesday nights in SJ)... sort of like my story that I posted a while back on here about that night in 2008... hah! Maybe.

Getting swole

The last 10 days, I've been getting really swole lately... I've been hitting the gym hard... and I think it's starting to show just a (little) bit. I love seeing the results of the hard work I put in each week... All it does is give me that positive reinforcement... Keep workin' baby.

On another note, I found a place to live in SJ. I think I'm gonna like it there... It has pretty much exactly what I was looking for in a place to live. Official move in is this Sunday... Till then, lots of work to do...

Sometimes I like to compare my life to the Amazing Race (ok, sounds stupid, but stay with me on this one) ... Now, on the show, the contestants have no idea where the race is gonna take them to, and right now my life feels the same way... each leg of the race takes them to an unknown destination, and they have to take each pit stop in stride til the finish... I feel like all of these mini hurdles I've been going through are my little pit stops, and I gotta take all of them in stride as well; wherever life takes me... I feel like the race is still in the beginning stages... I have a long way to go.

Goodnight reader(s). :)

Back on the hunt...

Now that the past two weeks in Fairfield have passed and my birthday is now over and done with, it's time to start seriously looking for a place to live in San Jose. I've got one appointment tomorrow at a place that looks nice from what I can see in the pics. I'm hoping to find a place soon so I can start planning the rest of well, my uhhhhmmm life... lol. Oh, life... you are so mysterious.

Here's another sickkk Scrillex remix I found on youtube. Check out the suhweeet drop at 1:18. So dope.

Soooo good.

I had a very nice conversation tonight with two very nice ladies... Thanks for that... Kinda needed something like that; it's been a while...

This song hits pretty hard btw... it's my new addiction. My birthday is tomorrow... can't wait to see what's up with downtown Sacramento. :)

Maxed Out

Today, I hit my highest weight on dumbell flat bench; it felt great... I feel great. All I wanna do is train harder and get stronger.

I love doing what I do. Nothing wrong with this addiction.

Quote of the Day

There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson, on how to improve your performance the next time round.
- Malcolm X

I wanna move already...

To San Jose.

I have no friends here in SF. I mean, I have a bunch of fam, which is cool, but no friends... and likely, no friends til I start school again in SJ... that's why I wanna move already. I miss being forced into being social on a regular basis at school... lol.

Just about another month and a half...

Put it to rest.

I'm tired of you bragging about my past mistakes.

How about we talk about where I AM headed in my life? I'm actually doing something with it. So enough talking about my mistakes...

darn.

There are times where I'll start writing a text, address it to you, and then realize... I can't send it. This sucks.

213

Alright, so I've been going to the gym since Nov 15, 2009... Now, at my peak, I remember being more than 280 pounds... I was heavy... Like, medically-risky type heavy... I remember my doctor telling me that I was at risk for developing diabetes, my cholesterol was borderline high, and my triglycerides were very high -- in other words, I was headed down a deadly path. So one day, with the help of my friends, I decided to finally do something about my problem and joined the gym. I joined, and it was one of the single most important decisions I've ever made in my life.

By the end of Spring semester 2010, I had lost 40 pounds... I felt much better in almost every single way imaginable. I was happier, my outlook on life was brighter, and I had more self-confidence... At the beginning of that summer, I made a bet with my instructor/friend to see who could lose the most weight (percentage of starting weight) in 90 days. I ended up losing 28 pounds by the end of that timeframe. By that time, it was labor day weekend 2010, and I weighed 212 pounds.

This was the start of my plateau...

Throughout the next 5 months, I didn't lose ANY weight. Throughout my entire fall 2010 semester of college, I actually gained 5 pounds, and by the time graduation rolled around, I was at 217 lbs. I was still going to the gym like 5 times a week, but still wasn't losing the weight. The only thing that kept me motivated to keep hitting the gym was my desire to lift heavier weight... which I kinda-sorta ended up doing during those 5 months.

After I graduated, I moved back to SF... now, I was going to a new gym, with no workout partners anymore. My progress was now completely up to me. As I started to settle into my new surroundings, I started to realize that I was addicted to going to the gym. Since I moved, I've been going, on average, about 6 days a week. As the months started to pass in early winter, I started to become more and more complacent with my workouts... I started GAINING weight. I was still hitting the gym all the time, but every week, I'd gain a pound or two. I was getting frustrated... I started to realize that my eating habits at home were damaging my weight loss goals. It got so bad that at one point this past April, I was back up to 227 pounds... I was so pissed... all my sweat was for nothing... something needed to change... So I decided to change my workout habits -- more lively workouts with a focus on keeping my heart rate high in between sets (i.e., not zoning out between exercises), more variety of workouts, and just plain working out harder (more reps, higher weights, getting myself to sweat harder)... Today, I'm back to 213... I feel as good as I've ever felt, and I feel like I've finally gotten over this plateau and "gain weight back" phase... Right now, my current goal is to be UNDER 200 pounds by the time I start graduate school (Aug 25)... I really believe that my current desire to lose the weight is enough to push me past my goal, and eventually hit my target weight of 185 pounds by November 15th. That will be the 2-year anniversary of my decision to do something about a serious problem I've had since I was 8 years old. Something that has plagued my childhood as far back as I remember. I hate being fat. I absolutely want to be fit, and I am 28 pounds away from losing almost 100 pounds...

I really think that I can do this. I just need to keep asking myself, "How bad do I really want it?"

There are some nights...

where I just wanna spill all of my thoughts, feelings, emotions into words and writings...

So what I do, is, I get onto my blogspot and start writing.

I start writing, and then I can't get myself to write what I want myself to write; I just can't do it.

At least right now, all I can think about is how life is just one big roller coaster. It has its ups and downs... highs and lows. Right now seems to be one of those hangovers after a high... Let me explain...

You see 2 weeks ago, a bunch of my homies from Sac State graduated... and that was a fun ass weekend. Thursday, me Justin and Imin met up and hit the gym, and almost ended up going to barcode... which was Asian night... damn, I really wanted to go, but oh well. Saw a lot of old psyc buddies on Friday at grad... Me and Darren took pics with Jorge, Sonny, Sara, and Whitney and even got to briefly see Lindsay T. (one of my biggest crushes from last fall semester), After, me and Darren got some burgers at Five Guys and later went to Sara's grad dinner and BJ's to meet up with the psyc homies that night. I barely got ANY sleep that night.

Saturday was Matt's grad... I almost ended up not going that morning cause I felt so sick. Ricky ended up convincing me to go... I'm glad I did. After Matt's grad, we took some pics, and also had a grad lunch at Matt's place on La Riv. Ended up leaving around 8, and then met up with Justin. We ended up going to Faces that night with Amanda, her Fam, and Kim. What an interesting experience Faces was... lol Anyway, that whole weekend was a lot of fun... I saw many of my friends, many of whom I haven't seen in 6 months... and while it was all good and fun, Sunday morning came way too fast, and I realized that the Sac trip was suddenly over. As I left Sac, it really felt like Sacramento was still where my home was -- all my friends live there. I don't have ANY friends here in San Francisco. It really sucks... Still I had to go, and all I have left are my memories from my time in Sac... which are great memories. P.S. thanks Justin for letting me crash at your place the ENTIRE time... lol. I didn't plan on it being that way, but I guess that's just how things happened... haha. I still owe you a golf club. lol.

So as I got back to San Francisco early Sunday afternoon, my 2 week vacation was just getting started; I had a flight to Ontario at 9:45 that night. I took the bus, BART, and AirBART to Oakland airport and got there about 2.5 hours early for my flight... So I chilled.

Finally, I got into Ontario around 11pm, and to my surprise Yasmeen (not Dahlia) and Omar were there to pick me up in Rashad's G35... lol. Anyway, during my 6 days in Riverside, I enjoyed some sushi thanks to Dahlia on Monday with her nursing school friends and Omar, Yasmeen's HS graduation on Tuesday, visited my dad in Walnut and saw The Hangover Part 2 at midnight on Wednesday, gymed it up at 24 on Thursday, saw my Dad once again on Friday and brought him a few gifts. I also gymed it up at LA Fitness that night as well as some bowling and carne asada fries at Alberto's afterward.
Saturday, the family drove up to South Lake Tahoe for a 3-night stay. I drove the 2nd half of the trip... which was also my first time EVER driving in snow through the mountains. Those 11 miles through the mountains in the snow were probably the most scary 11 miles I have ever driven in my life... mainly because I was driving a rental van, in the snow, without chains, with the lives of 6 people at my fingertips. Finally, we pulled into Harvey's at SLT... by the time we got there, the snow was really coming down, and I couldn't even tell that there was a 19-story hotel 200 ft away. We ended up playing cards all night and getting a cinnabon...

The next day me and Omar hit the gym early (12pm lol) and we ate at the buffet at Harrah's.. Pretty tasty, and we ended up stealing a bunch of bread and carb-filled foods to bring to our hotel room. We also walked around and took a look at the sights of the local area. That night we spent about 35 bucks at the arcade and ended up using our tickets to buy Milan a blow-up dolphin... something we could have just spent 2 bucks on at the gift shop next door... lol

Monday, we went sightseeing by car, and I gambled a bit... Played some BJ and tripled my $$$... which I later spent all at GAP at the Folsom outlets on our way to SF. I forgot what else we did that night. Probably played some more mao mao... oh yeah... that was freakin' hilarious. lol.

Tuesday, we left the hotel, got some food a Denny's and then hit the road for SF. Stopped in Folsom to do some shopping, then stopped in AC to pick up Auntie Aida... then to San Fran... We checked into Hotel Whitcomb on 8th and Market... The hotel was old, elegant, & beautiful, but the rooms were so damn small... a big change from what we were used to at Harvey's. We had dinner at Fulton and then went back to the hotel.

Wednesday, we went around sightseeing by foot and bus. Got some blondies pizza, walked around union square, and then took the F Market to Fisherman's wharf. I bought my Mom a b-day present, and we ate at In N Out... Then we went to Ghiradelli and then took the bus back to Fulton and had a birthday dinner for my Mom... She turned 65... Senior citizen status.. haha.

Thursday, I hit the gym early and then picked up Dahlia, Yasmeen, and Omar, and we went sightseeing by car. We went to a bunch of landmarks, many of which would have taken forever to get to by public transportation. We then met up at Cypress Lawn to have a short prayer for Lola Pepay as it was her 1st death anniversary (I love and miss you Lola). After we went to a church in Visitation Valley (don't ask why that church was the one we picked... of all places) for the final Novena, and then proceeded to Kome buffet for dinner. Most of the family came, and I think dinner ended up being about 840 bucks for all of us. (Glad that I didn't have to pay... lol, I'm still not there yet.) After dinner, me and the kids didn't want to just go back to the hotel... we wanted to do something... anything. We went to Vienna to hang out with Kim and Dorothy. While we were there, we were kinda like, "we wanna go out and do something" so we decided to go to Ocean Beach and have a bonfire... We stopped at Safeway to buy the necessary ingredients for a successful bonfire... as we were on our way, my mom calls, and needs a pick up... this ruined the whole bonfire plan and we were all so bummed. We tried returning our stuff, but couldn't... and I felt bad that Dahlia spent all that money for no reason. I owe her. lol. Anyways, I dropped off the kids, and picked up my mom at the hotel, then went home.

And that's it. That was my 2 week vacation... Now 2 days later, I'm back home, and it's back to reality, which kinda sucks... I mean, that's what I originally meant by "hangover after a high"... I had a great 2 weeks with friends and family, and now that I'm back to reality, it's just like a brick wall hit me; life is super boring again. I already miss it all... But, as Lola always said, "that's life"... You have your ups and your downs, and you just have to learn to live with them. At least I know that there will be more times in the future to be with friends and family, and there are so many more experiences to be had...

Now life is back to hitting the gym even harder, looking for a place to live in SJ come August, looking forward to starting grad school, and whatever the future has in store for me...

Oh hey look, I was able to write something this time. It was probably a good idea that I was listening to my Top 25 Most Played Songs playlist on my iTunes... these are good reflection songs.

Happy Birthday Lola

I really really miss you. I wish we could dance one more time.

 

Yasmeen's Graduation

Congrats cousin!!!

 

It always feels like life is a race...

and I always feel like I'm losing...

But for some reason, this week, I feel like I'm finally winning this race...

The people I feel that are beating me, are finally behind me... I feel like I've made the necessary adjustments and made the right decisions in my life to finally feel like these people just don't phase me anymore... They don't even come close to me. I'm really feeling like I can finally just go out and do me, and that's all I need to do. I don't need to compare myself to others, feeling insecure, because these people I was mentally competing with just don't even matter anymore... They're either too immature for me, less educated than I am, less experienced than I am, and/or overall not as intelligent as I am. Btw, intelligence is not something you can teach or learn... it's in your genes, and knowing how intelligent my father was (IQ >145, went to West Point, had a legit photographic memory, always at the top of his class while still being the class clown [no joke, my father was really effing smart]), I just know that I have those same genes... I know how intelligent I am, I know how apt I am to learning ANYTHING, I know how educated I am, and I know my academic/professional potential... I have all of the tools one needs to be considered successful in this society... Now with that set aside, the things I have been doing during my off-time out of school, I feel like these things are greatly adding to my sense of self-worth, which is very important in today's society...

So, back to the race. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses even better... but trust me, if you think you've got me beat in one aspect of life... I promise you, I've got you beat in 10 other aspects...

But, now that I feel like I'm winning this race called "life", I have to realize that life isn't a race... I'm not competing with anyone, besides myself. One of my all time favorite philosophical quotes about life comes from Baz Luhrmann, who said...

"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."


But for now, I'm ahead, and I'm WINNING!!!! and it all feels great... so let's go! Try and beat me because the race isn't over yet, I love the competition, and I love getting better at "life". Let's keep racing... I've just started.

See you at the finish line, or not. :P

To my future babymama... (mother's day edition)

We gon' have some pretty kids. Especially if you're a hapa, cause you should already know,hapa+hapa=pretty kids. :D Trust me on that one.

You ever wonder if we've already met? I sometimes wonder... not that I'm in any sort of rush to find you...

You're gonna be one lucky lady, cause you better believe I'm putting in my work now to make sure I can be a good father and support my family when time comes...

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery.

Happy mother's day!

Love this...

"We don't find out that something is missing in our lives until that special person comes along." -Stephanie Cichoski

Diploma

Took them long enough...

So confusing....

Here's the Revelo Family Tree... some of it anyways....

Sometimes I lie awake

at night and all I can think of is everything happening in the world around me. So much is happening and yet, I'm trying to let it all go...

Goodnight... I hope.

Somewhere over the rainbow...

Now that I know where I'll be spending the next few years of my life, I can finally relax.

I enjoyed meeting the I/O Program coordinator. She's really nice, and we have similar research interests. I really feel that this school is the best fit for me. I'm excited to start my future studies. There's just so much potential... :)

Monday

It's coming. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for the potential news. I'm getting really, really, anxious.

On my list of other things I'm counting down until, I can't wait til lent is over. I think I may have actually forgot what rice tastes like.

Anyway, I am just ready for school to start up again. I really can't wait to feel useful and productive once again.

Here's what has been on my playlist a lot lately. Listening to this song keeps me motivated and helps keep my life in perspective when things just don't seem to be going my way.

Florida University

Random, long, & rambling late night post.

I really enjoy reading my own blog. I have no idea why. I really just enjoy remembering all sorts of memories that are stuck in the back of my mind, and this blog is like a metaphorical stick that helps poke and prod at those memories... Especially when I read back to the earlier posts I have on in here, of when I first moved to Sac (08-09), I just remember how random and fun college life was. Those early days in Sac where I didn't know my way around the city were fun. Now, come to think of it, I kind DO hope I end up moving to San Jose this August for grad school. It seems like a good fit for me, and I enjoy the campus and there trendy areas nearby. Plus, it's only a 45 min drive back to San Francisco for visits with my family... Meaning, I'm close enough to see family on the weekends while still maintaining enough distance to give myself that sense of freedom and "being-on-my-own"--ness. ANDDD there's also the fact that San Jose is a whole new city for me to explore. Well see what the next 11 days has to offer me, because from now until that day, I will make the final decision on where I'll be spending the next 2-3 years of my life as a graduate student... SFSU or SJSU... Both are great schools with their own pros and cons to each, and I'll be happy that I'm just earning my Master's degree at either one. Anyways, I'm gonna enjoy my next 4.5 months off from school, and possibly find a job, keep going to the gym everyday, and keep living it up while I'm still young. Anyway back to original reason I'm writing this post. I enjoy reading my older blog posts... It's a good diary that I've got going here. So many good and bad memories to reread. It's cool to also compare what I was writing about on this day in 2010, or 2009, or eventually 2008 when December comes around (when I started this blog). I wish I had started this web diary sooner (I remember keeping a years worth of blog posts on my old MySpace account... and I wish I hadn't deleted the account so I could somehow get those posts back). I think keeping this journal has been an efficient means of self-mediated therapy; an effective way to vent or write whatever I'm thinking/feeling/doing. I know the importance of having a means of expressing oneself from my psychology days at Sac State, and I'm glad that I have this... It's like a photo album, but with words... Anyways, I hope to hear back from SFSU this week or next at the latest, and I'm guessing there's a 70% chance I'll hear back by this Friday as to whether or not I'm offered admission into the I/O Program there. I can't wait. Oh plus, I'm planning a road trip this month to SLO, SB, LA, Walnut, La Habra Heights, and Riverside to visit friends and family. I'm guess I'll need about $350 for the 4-5 day excursion... I'm sure it'll be about $150 in gas expenses anyway. Well goodnight blog readers... Although, I'm pretty sure I'm just talking to myself nowadays. Chest and Tris tomorrow, pretty excited! Plus it's Tuesday, and you know what that means. CHICKEN. :| Haha. Plus I need to get that laundry done before 7pm. Alright going to bed now... Goodnight readers (me). :]

The greatest feeling in the world...

...is knowing that now, I am solely in control of my destiny. Whatever I want to do with my life as of March 24th, 2:47pm is up to me. What a liberating feeling it was to open a letter... a letter which would change my life forever. The hard work I had put in to get to that moment was worth it; the tears I shed in pure happiness were completely justified.

I just want to be successful, and now my success is up to me -- no one else controls it.

For all those of you who have doubted & looked down upon me, who never gave me a fighting chance... all I can say is, look at me now. I'm going somewhere. I'm gonna be somebody. I'm gonna make history. I'm gonna reach my dreams -- the very same dreams I had as a little kid growing up in San Francisco.

Oh, the irony...

:'D

SJSU...

Reading this was one of the greatest feelings I've ever felt. There were definite tears of joy and deep feelings of affirmation -- that I finally got accepted. They only take 10-12 out of 60+ applicants per year... Shout out to Lola Pepay! I know you were watching over me the whole time. You've always emphasized education in the highest. This is for you...

I'm goin' to grad school babies!!!

Depressing.

I'm Hungry.

Alright kids, it's been about 3 months since I've graduated college. Let's get an update on where things stand.

Since I've moved to SF, life has slowed wayyyyy the hell down. I've enjoyed the time off from school, but at the same time I miss the feeling of being in school. I've spent the majority of my time being with family, going to the gym, and hanging out in general. It's been swell, but I know I can't just stay like this for good -- I gotta do something with my life...

So for now, I'm waiting until my grad school acceptance (or denial) letters come in so I can start planning for the short-term future. If I get accepted, I'm going to start looking for a part-time job related to my prospective field of employment. If I do not get accepted, I will look for a full-time job (maybe with the city of SF), and start focusing on building work experience which will improve my chances of getting into a Pre-Doc Psychology program for Fall 2012.

Anywho, I don't really wanna get even more anxious about grad school by writing more about it...

Last weekend was Justin's B-day weekend, so I drove up to Sac on Friday night. We got a bite to eat at Ink. The next day, we took my car to Napa and had lunch at his parents' place. I loved the bbq... hella good. Then after, we went downtown and got drinks at a couple places. We went to Morimoto's... That place has a trendy atmosphere. One of the hosts was an ass though and told Justin and Rick to take their Giants hats off -- probably cause he was a Dodger's fan or something... Hoo! Hoo! Hee! Haa! HAA! HAA! Then it was back to Sac that night. Had a breakfast burrito from El Forastero's (The new Berto's) the next morning, and called it a weekend... It was back to SF. Damn, I miss chillin with my buddies in Sac.


P.S. I find it highly ironic that you wrote that exactly one year to-the-date later... And you completely lied about, well, you know what you lied about... Let's just leave it at that. I'm glad the people I care about know what the truth is, because they see right through your lies... and that's what matters to me.

Lumpia Shanghai Ingredients

Posting the ingredients  here, because I can't find a notepad.

Clever...

Fam

Had a nice day with my cousins in downtown SF. We stopped for a second to snap a quick photo in Union Square. I also purchased some clothes at Forever 21. I really want the Orange Nikes... too bad they're freakin expensive.$100... maybe next time.

Yee

Just checked MySacState for the first time in weeks.

Good news: my DUHgreee was conferred! It better say that I graduated with honors when I receive the diploma... I'm actually very proud of that.

Craig's List

I'm using craigslist to sell my Xbox 360, my PSP, and eventually my MyTouch 3G. Hopefully, after selling these things, I can actually get a cool phone, that is responsive, and I won't have to wait for my phone to respond to my input.

I can't wait 'til I sell all this junk and get something useful and meaningful out of it.

Photography

So I wanna get a DSLR camera, because I wanna get into HDR photography of the city... This picture has especially been an inspiration to me. It's amazing.

This is the kind of photography I'd really like to get into.

I'm thinking about the Canon T2i but it's a bit expensive, so I might have to go for the Nikon D5000. We'll see.

Repost.

What does it take to get into a I/O Psychology Master's program where less than 15% of applicants get admitted? I checked the admission statistics for SFSU and SJSU's programs and my GPA and GRE scores are ABOVE the average that they ADMIT. So, if I don't get into grad school THIS fall, I'm going to be very, very, sad. I hate this waiting game; can it be April already?!

I really just want to know whether or not I got into a program... Well that and I wanna know where I stand among other applicants. I really want to go to grad school. Please admit me.

Slower is better. Down-tempo.

Identity

I was raised in a collectivistic household with the American ideals of individualism and opportunity.

This is me.... definitely. It's the best of both worlds.

9 days left.

So far, 2011 has been pretty uneventful. There have been a few highlights (NYE in LV, visiting my Dad) but that's been about it. I know most of my friends from Sac will be back in school in a couple days, and now that I'm out here in SF just chillaxin' with family, I feel sort of left behind. As if I'm being left behind while the minds of my peers are off to bloom in ways I won't be able to experience. I'm still stuck in this imaginary intermediary place, a place where I'm not sure if I'm still in school or if I'm done, and out in the real world.

I thought about it like this... What if I don't get into a Master's program? So then I apply again the following school year right? But what if by then, I find a job, acclimate, and then lose all motivation and drive to pursue graduate school? AND/OR (a year later!), I'd have to re-request letters of recommendation? What if they are off somewhere where I can't reach them? Or if they're unwilling to rewrite letters? Where would I go from there?

It almost feels as if this is my one legitimate shot at graduate school; it's now or never. I need this, because it will affect the rest of my life. All the more motivation to finish my personal statements in the next few days and finally get these applications sent off.

*crosses fingers*

Also, here's my favorite song... pretty much for about a year now.

I'm just now realizing how naive I am

...and the funny thing is, somewhere down the line I'm positive I'll realize that I was even more naive than I thought I was. HAHA.

I'm not sure what life is trying to tell me. Yes, I realize that I need to have a plan; some kind of a goal to work toward... but these "goals" are just a means to an end. The thing is, I don't know what the end is; I'm so open to whatever life throws at me right now. I really feel as if my world has been opened up to so many possibilities... I am young, full of potential, and I live in one of the greatest cities in the world. I can do almost ANYTHING I want to do, as long as I have a passion or reason to.

I swear I thought I had it all planned out to a tee. My future, my career, what I wanted to do with my life... but that was back in my HS/Early College frame of mind. Now, those plans are still there... but there's sooooo much more to experience now.

It's so weird. Life without the structure and regiment of school just opens up your whole perspective of what life can be like.

I'm glad I'm experiencing this, I guess it's a part of human development in our culture... I wonder if/when most people my age start to realize this.

Quote of the day

"Why do filipino women's noses look like someone just took a barbie doll by the legs and just smashed their faces into the ground?"

This is so applicable to almost every filipino girl I know, especially if their skin is darker. I wonder if there's a connection here. lol.

fall grades.

3 A's and a B during my last semester of college... Not trippin', but I could have done better.

NYE 2010 in Las Vegas

What's up blog readers,

It's my first post of the year.

So LV was awesome & COOOLD, BUT I had a great time. I didn't lose money playing BJ this time! I actually won $ (although it wasn't a lot).

NYE on the strip was crazy. If it's not on your bucket list, it needs to be because it's the most crazy, drunken, and loud party you'll ever experience... I even think it tops NYE in Times Square.