Questions - during the shelter in place

What's the deal with this shelter in place man? Why is it that it's so hard to just stay home? Why is it when we are forced to stay home, we find new problems that we need to tackle? Why are we doing things this way? Are we finally admitting that masks are the socially normal thing to do now? The entire world right now is pointing fingers at us for how we are dealing with COVID-19. While I do think that we've mismanaged it, I do think that with this mismanagement, we're the first to really show the rest of the world their future. My guess is that when the rest of the world returns to normal, then we will start seeing other countries with their 2nd and 3rd waves. Why is Post Malone the epitome of cool? Watching this guy on JRE for about 75 mins makes me feel like drinking bud light right now would be fun.

Companies that took a chance (thoughts and commentary to myself during COVID)

Sometimes you get on YouTube, and you watch these documentaries on YouTube about how companies grew. For example, take the introduction to the iPhone (keynote) in 2007. I still get goosebumps to this day.


I loooooove watching companies succeed. I feel like this is what the US was built on... the dream of organizing people under one vision of an idea worth working towards. The iPhone (gen 1) was incredible to watch. It was revolutionary. Think about where we've been since that day.

Now that that we're in this newfound era of COVID-19, I feel like there's something out there. There's something out there that exists — yes it does exist — but no one has truly figured it out yet, that's 99% untapped. I just wish that I knew what that was, because I would devote my life to that. I think that the best is yet to come. Once you see that opportunity, go for it, and I'd really love to be a part of that.

When I think about my own place in this universe, I understand that I'm just a small piece of it... but, as insignificant in the bigger picture that I might estimate of myself, I do still take up a place in the universe. What will we do with this space that we've been gifted?

I think the goal is to take some risks, and put something that is worthwhile above my own place in this world. I want to go chase my dreams.

Hopefully someday, I'll come back here and realize that I've always saw what's coming next, and I've worked to my best ability to help that new vision come along.

It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. Stay on track.


-Raymond

New quarantine hobby

I've been working out more often in the last week. I've also developed a newfound happiness with being outdoors. I did Mission Peak with Lindsay today. Was a good time, she was a bit shocked by how tough it is, but she persevered and we made it to the top in about two hours. Got a Safeway sandwich after (and also a couple $500 MCGCs due to the promo) and drove home. It was a good 4 hour adventure! Gotta keep finding more activities like this to keep me going through COVID.

Going to start my SQL class tomorrow. It's going to weird getting back into learning mode. I guess I'm going to have to manage my time a bit more and spend less time churning.

Meridian

Meridian
noun
1.
a circle of constant longitude passing through a given place on the earth's surface and the terrestrial poles.
2.
(in acupuncture and Chinese medicine) each of a set of pathways in the body along which vital energy is said to flow. There are twelve such pathways associated with specific organs.
adjective
relating to or situated at a meridian.
"the meridian moon"


Sometimes you realize that what you were doing was just not the right thing
**side note — I'm listening to this song as I write this post. I suggest reading while the song above plays — it'll help you get in my head a bit**

I realized that this wasn't what I wanted. I'm very sorry for the pain I caused. This wasn't an easy decision. It might seem like it was — but for a few months — I was thinking deeply about us, and what we were doing together. At the same time, I was thinking about my dreams and aspirations. I thought about my next steps in life. I realized that this wasn't what I wanted. There were so many things that were right about us, but there was also something very important that was missing. I still don't know what exactly was missing, but I was listening to my heart when I made that decision.

I wish I could take it back — or at least take your pain away. You will find someone who appreciates you to the fullest, and you deserve that.

Other things that have been on my mind:

I've started exercising (running) again. I've also been trying to focus on work, but I feel like there's just so many things to focus on, that I can't keep up. Something will need to be sacrificed in order to keep everything afloat.

Next Monday (6/29) I start an SQL class through UC Extension. My first official enrollment in formal learning class since I guess that Oxford TESOL I was taking back in March/April 2015 when I was still dreaming about living abroad and teaching English to support myself. That dream never died either...

And, I still can't wait to travel again. That's been the thing that's been missing lately. I've been trying to fill the void with other things, but travel has always been (and probably will always be) the thing that drives me to do what I do. My purpose in life. If I can't have that, then life feels just... empty.

I'm never going to give up on my dreams. Someday, I'll find the one who shares them with me. We'll probably save a ton of money so we can quit our jobs and travel for a year.

2016 through 2018

I don't know what to say, I just know that looking at the pictures of us, where we were, what we had, I miss very much. I just watched the NYE 2016 / NYD 2017 video at Liquid Laundry. The video was so weird to watch because watching the happiness on your face was just so surreal. We were happy at one point. I know that being with you was and is a terrible idea, but it doesn't stop me from missing those special moments, traveling across the globe, and going through things together.
I feel like the time, 2016 - 2018, these years were taken away from me, even though during these years, we did some amazing things, and had some crazy experiences. Now, I look back and I don't even recognize them, unless I look at the pictures, which open up the memories of a time that no longer exists.

The right message needs to come from the right person

The right message needs to come from the right person. Even though there is so much angst and frustration from someone, you need to hear the right message from the person who you are most "angry" at.

"Time will heal everything."

I believe that's true, so right now, I'm in the state of discomfort, things aren't in a good place, but I believe that going through this phase will allow me to realize what is important and when things do get better, I will understand what happiness feels like and what it really means deep down.

I hope we're out of this state of discomfort soon, though.

Hate

Useless, waste of space, waste of energy, waste of so much, but I still can't get over. Don't ever contact me. Don't ever talk to me again. Don't ever waste my time again. Just move on... I don't need any more distractions.

Uncle Mostafa

I don't know what to even say. I don't believe it, actually. Are you really gone? I feel like you're not. I feel like you're still there. I feel like you're still around. Why did this have to happen?

Intentional Finances

Finances and the future has been on the brain quite a lot recently. You could even say I've been obsessing over it. I don't think it's a bad obsession. Let's just say that I've made an intentional decision to be wiser with the money I make. I think it's good. I want to make more intentional decisions with my money. Time to start using the brain I was gifted in a more productive way, by practicing what I preach, and making life more pleasant, because there's no reason I should be unhappy -- I'm actually very happy in my life, and I think I just need to start saving for my future freedom to complete the package. I know this isn't ground-breaking, but it's worth writing to myself, so I can reflect on this feeling someday, just in case I need to remind myself about what's important to me.

Dazed & Confused

You came in swinging like Apollo
I'll be feelin' it tomorrow
No, I ain't seein' straight, hyperventilate
Knees begin to wobble
You cut my brakes and hit the throttle
I couldn't stop it if I wanted
Just your silhouette, makes me break a sweat
I'm in trouble
Oh, I've been dazed and confused
From the day I met you
Yeah, I lost my head
And I'd do it again
Either I've seen the light
Or I'm losing my mind
There's something 'bout you
That's got me dazed and confused
Dazed
Dazed and confused
Dazed
I bet you know just what you're doing
You're not the type that's used to losing
First, you build me up, then with just a touch
Leave me here in ruins
Something 'bout your eyes
I can't even walk in a straight line
Under the influence
Oh, I've been dazed and confused
From the day I met you
Yeah, I lost my head
And I'd do it again
Either I've seen the light
Or I'm losing my mind
There's something 'bout you
That's got me dazed and confused
Dazed
Dazed and confused
Dazed
I don't know if this is real life, real life
What happens if I open my eyes, my eyes?
Will I ever get my head right, head right?
I don't know if this is real life, real life
Oh, I've been dazed and confused
From the day I met you
Yeah, I lost my head
And I'd do it again
Either I've seen the light
Or I'm losing my mind
There's something 'bout you
That's got me
That's got me dazed and confused
From the day I met you
Yeah, I lost my head
And I'd do it again
Either I've seen the light
Or I'm losing my mind
There's something 'bout you
That's got me dazed and confused
https://youtu.be/Nel_hT0ZQHA