I wanna move already...

To San Jose.

I have no friends here in SF. I mean, I have a bunch of fam, which is cool, but no friends... and likely, no friends til I start school again in SJ... that's why I wanna move already. I miss being forced into being social on a regular basis at school... lol.

Just about another month and a half...

Put it to rest.

I'm tired of you bragging about my past mistakes.

How about we talk about where I AM headed in my life? I'm actually doing something with it. So enough talking about my mistakes...

darn.

There are times where I'll start writing a text, address it to you, and then realize... I can't send it. This sucks.

213

Alright, so I've been going to the gym since Nov 15, 2009... Now, at my peak, I remember being more than 280 pounds... I was heavy... Like, medically-risky type heavy... I remember my doctor telling me that I was at risk for developing diabetes, my cholesterol was borderline high, and my triglycerides were very high -- in other words, I was headed down a deadly path. So one day, with the help of my friends, I decided to finally do something about my problem and joined the gym. I joined, and it was one of the single most important decisions I've ever made in my life.

By the end of Spring semester 2010, I had lost 40 pounds... I felt much better in almost every single way imaginable. I was happier, my outlook on life was brighter, and I had more self-confidence... At the beginning of that summer, I made a bet with my instructor/friend to see who could lose the most weight (percentage of starting weight) in 90 days. I ended up losing 28 pounds by the end of that timeframe. By that time, it was labor day weekend 2010, and I weighed 212 pounds.

This was the start of my plateau...

Throughout the next 5 months, I didn't lose ANY weight. Throughout my entire fall 2010 semester of college, I actually gained 5 pounds, and by the time graduation rolled around, I was at 217 lbs. I was still going to the gym like 5 times a week, but still wasn't losing the weight. The only thing that kept me motivated to keep hitting the gym was my desire to lift heavier weight... which I kinda-sorta ended up doing during those 5 months.

After I graduated, I moved back to SF... now, I was going to a new gym, with no workout partners anymore. My progress was now completely up to me. As I started to settle into my new surroundings, I started to realize that I was addicted to going to the gym. Since I moved, I've been going, on average, about 6 days a week. As the months started to pass in early winter, I started to become more and more complacent with my workouts... I started GAINING weight. I was still hitting the gym all the time, but every week, I'd gain a pound or two. I was getting frustrated... I started to realize that my eating habits at home were damaging my weight loss goals. It got so bad that at one point this past April, I was back up to 227 pounds... I was so pissed... all my sweat was for nothing... something needed to change... So I decided to change my workout habits -- more lively workouts with a focus on keeping my heart rate high in between sets (i.e., not zoning out between exercises), more variety of workouts, and just plain working out harder (more reps, higher weights, getting myself to sweat harder)... Today, I'm back to 213... I feel as good as I've ever felt, and I feel like I've finally gotten over this plateau and "gain weight back" phase... Right now, my current goal is to be UNDER 200 pounds by the time I start graduate school (Aug 25)... I really believe that my current desire to lose the weight is enough to push me past my goal, and eventually hit my target weight of 185 pounds by November 15th. That will be the 2-year anniversary of my decision to do something about a serious problem I've had since I was 8 years old. Something that has plagued my childhood as far back as I remember. I hate being fat. I absolutely want to be fit, and I am 28 pounds away from losing almost 100 pounds...

I really think that I can do this. I just need to keep asking myself, "How bad do I really want it?"

There are some nights...

where I just wanna spill all of my thoughts, feelings, emotions into words and writings...

So what I do, is, I get onto my blogspot and start writing.

I start writing, and then I can't get myself to write what I want myself to write; I just can't do it.

At least right now, all I can think about is how life is just one big roller coaster. It has its ups and downs... highs and lows. Right now seems to be one of those hangovers after a high... Let me explain...

You see 2 weeks ago, a bunch of my homies from Sac State graduated... and that was a fun ass weekend. Thursday, me Justin and Imin met up and hit the gym, and almost ended up going to barcode... which was Asian night... damn, I really wanted to go, but oh well. Saw a lot of old psyc buddies on Friday at grad... Me and Darren took pics with Jorge, Sonny, Sara, and Whitney and even got to briefly see Lindsay T. (one of my biggest crushes from last fall semester), After, me and Darren got some burgers at Five Guys and later went to Sara's grad dinner and BJ's to meet up with the psyc homies that night. I barely got ANY sleep that night.

Saturday was Matt's grad... I almost ended up not going that morning cause I felt so sick. Ricky ended up convincing me to go... I'm glad I did. After Matt's grad, we took some pics, and also had a grad lunch at Matt's place on La Riv. Ended up leaving around 8, and then met up with Justin. We ended up going to Faces that night with Amanda, her Fam, and Kim. What an interesting experience Faces was... lol Anyway, that whole weekend was a lot of fun... I saw many of my friends, many of whom I haven't seen in 6 months... and while it was all good and fun, Sunday morning came way too fast, and I realized that the Sac trip was suddenly over. As I left Sac, it really felt like Sacramento was still where my home was -- all my friends live there. I don't have ANY friends here in San Francisco. It really sucks... Still I had to go, and all I have left are my memories from my time in Sac... which are great memories. P.S. thanks Justin for letting me crash at your place the ENTIRE time... lol. I didn't plan on it being that way, but I guess that's just how things happened... haha. I still owe you a golf club. lol.

So as I got back to San Francisco early Sunday afternoon, my 2 week vacation was just getting started; I had a flight to Ontario at 9:45 that night. I took the bus, BART, and AirBART to Oakland airport and got there about 2.5 hours early for my flight... So I chilled.

Finally, I got into Ontario around 11pm, and to my surprise Yasmeen (not Dahlia) and Omar were there to pick me up in Rashad's G35... lol. Anyway, during my 6 days in Riverside, I enjoyed some sushi thanks to Dahlia on Monday with her nursing school friends and Omar, Yasmeen's HS graduation on Tuesday, visited my dad in Walnut and saw The Hangover Part 2 at midnight on Wednesday, gymed it up at 24 on Thursday, saw my Dad once again on Friday and brought him a few gifts. I also gymed it up at LA Fitness that night as well as some bowling and carne asada fries at Alberto's afterward.
Saturday, the family drove up to South Lake Tahoe for a 3-night stay. I drove the 2nd half of the trip... which was also my first time EVER driving in snow through the mountains. Those 11 miles through the mountains in the snow were probably the most scary 11 miles I have ever driven in my life... mainly because I was driving a rental van, in the snow, without chains, with the lives of 6 people at my fingertips. Finally, we pulled into Harvey's at SLT... by the time we got there, the snow was really coming down, and I couldn't even tell that there was a 19-story hotel 200 ft away. We ended up playing cards all night and getting a cinnabon...

The next day me and Omar hit the gym early (12pm lol) and we ate at the buffet at Harrah's.. Pretty tasty, and we ended up stealing a bunch of bread and carb-filled foods to bring to our hotel room. We also walked around and took a look at the sights of the local area. That night we spent about 35 bucks at the arcade and ended up using our tickets to buy Milan a blow-up dolphin... something we could have just spent 2 bucks on at the gift shop next door... lol

Monday, we went sightseeing by car, and I gambled a bit... Played some BJ and tripled my $$$... which I later spent all at GAP at the Folsom outlets on our way to SF. I forgot what else we did that night. Probably played some more mao mao... oh yeah... that was freakin' hilarious. lol.

Tuesday, we left the hotel, got some food a Denny's and then hit the road for SF. Stopped in Folsom to do some shopping, then stopped in AC to pick up Auntie Aida... then to San Fran... We checked into Hotel Whitcomb on 8th and Market... The hotel was old, elegant, & beautiful, but the rooms were so damn small... a big change from what we were used to at Harvey's. We had dinner at Fulton and then went back to the hotel.

Wednesday, we went around sightseeing by foot and bus. Got some blondies pizza, walked around union square, and then took the F Market to Fisherman's wharf. I bought my Mom a b-day present, and we ate at In N Out... Then we went to Ghiradelli and then took the bus back to Fulton and had a birthday dinner for my Mom... She turned 65... Senior citizen status.. haha.

Thursday, I hit the gym early and then picked up Dahlia, Yasmeen, and Omar, and we went sightseeing by car. We went to a bunch of landmarks, many of which would have taken forever to get to by public transportation. We then met up at Cypress Lawn to have a short prayer for Lola Pepay as it was her 1st death anniversary (I love and miss you Lola). After we went to a church in Visitation Valley (don't ask why that church was the one we picked... of all places) for the final Novena, and then proceeded to Kome buffet for dinner. Most of the family came, and I think dinner ended up being about 840 bucks for all of us. (Glad that I didn't have to pay... lol, I'm still not there yet.) After dinner, me and the kids didn't want to just go back to the hotel... we wanted to do something... anything. We went to Vienna to hang out with Kim and Dorothy. While we were there, we were kinda like, "we wanna go out and do something" so we decided to go to Ocean Beach and have a bonfire... We stopped at Safeway to buy the necessary ingredients for a successful bonfire... as we were on our way, my mom calls, and needs a pick up... this ruined the whole bonfire plan and we were all so bummed. We tried returning our stuff, but couldn't... and I felt bad that Dahlia spent all that money for no reason. I owe her. lol. Anyways, I dropped off the kids, and picked up my mom at the hotel, then went home.

And that's it. That was my 2 week vacation... Now 2 days later, I'm back home, and it's back to reality, which kinda sucks... I mean, that's what I originally meant by "hangover after a high"... I had a great 2 weeks with friends and family, and now that I'm back to reality, it's just like a brick wall hit me; life is super boring again. I already miss it all... But, as Lola always said, "that's life"... You have your ups and your downs, and you just have to learn to live with them. At least I know that there will be more times in the future to be with friends and family, and there are so many more experiences to be had...

Now life is back to hitting the gym even harder, looking for a place to live in SJ come August, looking forward to starting grad school, and whatever the future has in store for me...

Oh hey look, I was able to write something this time. It was probably a good idea that I was listening to my Top 25 Most Played Songs playlist on my iTunes... these are good reflection songs.