Let's play the blame game.

Just got back home from one of the most memorable weekends I've ever had. To be honest, this weekend changed everything. I'm so grateful for all the blessings I have received in my life. I will never forget this trip. I love my family -- especially Dad, Grandma Helen, and Lola Pepay... I already miss everyone. "Yeezy taught you well."

SLO. Pre-Finals Week.

Just went for a quick run. I'm starting to just enjoy the simple act of going out for a run. It's seriously one of the most mind-clearing things you can do, and it just makes you feel more uplifted.

Tonight, (rather, at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow) Me, Justin, and Sam are driving down to SLO to watch my homie Ricky graduate college. It's amazing, especially since I know that this time next week, I'll be a college graduate. I can't believe that I'm about to accomplish something that I've always wanted to accomplish. I feel so blessed. I'm dedicating my accomplishment to my Lola Pepay, who always stressed the importance of education in my life. I miss her.

Finals week is here. How do you want to remember this moment 1 week from now?

Overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts. There are certain things I can't stop thinking about. There are so many things I can't stop worrying about. There are so many unknowns right now in my life. I'm not complaining about my school workload, I mean, I DO have a busy semester, but that's not what I'm really just overwhelmed with right now. I'm more overwhelmed about everything else.

Family because I only get to see them every so often. I saw my mom for the first time in about 2 months today. I was so happy to see her. Now that I'm back home, I already really miss my mom. All of my other family, I miss them all too, and I can't wait til we all have a big family gathering again.

Friends because I know that my time is limited here in Sacramento. I have NO friends in San Francisco anymore. I hate starting over. I remember going into 10th grade, having to make the transition to school in suburban Napa. Then having to transition into Sacramento. It almost feels now like I'm taking a step backwards, in-time or something, where I'm back to my hometown, but without my friends who are always there for me. Plus the fact that I'll be out of school for at least 8 months. What am I gonna do with my life? I don't wanna end up like my cousin Joseph, just sitting on my ass all day playing video games (I'd rather hang myself than live such a useless lifestyle). Anyway, the point being is that all my friends I've made in the past 2 years here in Sacramento won't be around anymore... That really makes me sad. Like really, really sad. I was talking to my older cousin today, and she told me that, "That's life, you constantly make new friends, leave the old ones behind, and some lucky ones stay with you through all throughout your life. Those are the ones you really should keep close to your heart." So, how do I know if I've already found some of these lifelong friends??? I do have some really close friends, but how do I really know if this will be where we part our ways? Things like this really make me nervous. I have a hard time letting things go, and this doesn't seem to be any different. No matter what however, (as part of my moving-away bucket list) I want to make sure that these people know how much I care about them, and how much they mean to me.

On a side note, there are a couple people who are really just getting on my nerves right now for the way they're treating me. I've never, ever done anything to get on their bad side. How could you seriously consider me as a friend and then be a bitch to me.....seriously no kidding, I don't get any respect back from you... I am a good friend and a good person, I know that for a fact... and I really don't deserve the treatment I get from you. I'll just consider our brief friendship a "quickie".

Bills because well, I'm about to be a jobless college graduate. Through my 4 1/2 years of undergrad, I've accrued quite the standard student credit card debt, among other forms of debt. I know that my degree is pretty much useless if I wanna work in my field, so I know that more school is in order, but all this debt is starting to make me worry. Hopefully, I find a part time job in the mean time, and pay off all of my debts because I hate having debt. It's seriously a constant stress that I ALWAYS force myself to ignore because I know that right now, I can't afford to pay any of it off since I'm still a student without income.  It sucks...

Grad school because I NEED to get in. There's no question about it.... If I don't get in, I'm screwed. If I don't get in, my major was a waste of time. I love psychology, but I should have picked something where a Bachelor's degree would make money. -___- Hindsight is always 20/20.

School is also somewhere on my list of things that overwhelm me, but honestly, I feel that all these other things worry me more because they are somewhat out of my control at the moment. School is totally up to me. Whether or not I get a 4.0 or a 2.0 semester is up to me. That's why I'm not too worried about school, because I know that I control MY destiny. School is that internal locus of control in my life, everything else just seems to be out of my control.

Soo, after all of these things that I'm worried about, I just want to make my last days here as fun as possible. I really hope that I'm able to just chill with all my friends, be happy, and make sure that my last memories being in Sacramento are good ones that I'll remember for a long time. I don't wanna remember Sacramento as being a negative experience. I mean Sacramento was my first dabble in being an independent person, living without my parents. Trust me, I was far from independent financially... I'm sure I was actually very fiscally irresponsible actually. Hahah, I guess that's part of the learning process that is college.

But really the past 2 years have been great to me. I grew as a person, experienced soooo may new things, met so many new people, kept up with a bunch of friends from high school, traveled a bunch, and created friendships that will *hopefully* stay with me for the rest of my life. It deeply saddens me that I know this chapter of life will be ending soon.

I'm sorry I rambled, but if you read all that, you'll probably get a glimpse of what's been going through my head lately... Yes, I know that these are such insignificant things that don't really matter in the long term. You're probably also getting a glimpse of how naive I am... I usually end up reading my blog, laughing at myself because of how naive I was when I wrote whatever it was that I wrote...

Goodnight

Goodnight, Blogger readers (although I barely have any, I still write as if there was an audience). Tomorrow, I have family reunion of sorts. Me, Dad, Uncle Russ, and Aunt Karen will be together for lunch at their home in La Habra Heights. I'll get a pic of their dog Duncan and post it on here; I love how cute he is. Anyway I'm posting a photo of me just a few days old which I found from earlier today rummaging around my Dad's pics. Hope you like. Goodnight blog!

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The weekends don't stand a chance.

The weekends are getting shorter and shorter. I swear, school for some reason, just creeps back up to you faster and faster. Funny thing is, I have school 2 days a week! Oh summer school, how I despise thee.

Some cowboy action right there...

I had a good weekend in Santa Cruz with my niece Rosemary's 17th birthday last Saturday. I'm not sure about all the fuss about where I was sleeping and who was gonna drive, but it was all handled better than I expected. Santa Cruz was beautiful, with all the nice, luke warm weather I was hoping for.

I'm glad my flip-flops didn't fall off.

I took some video of me and my cousins riding the Giant Dipper which turned out to be some pretty intense footage.

Anyway, after all the excitement, we headed back to the bay area around 11pm. (One side note) On the way home in the middle of the Santa Cruz Mountains, I spotted a car on fire in a turnout. I pulled over and the owner of the car on fire quickly asked me to call 911. I did, explained to the operator where we were, and while I was on the phone, the car started to explode. I knew that it would be a matter of seconds before the flames reached the gas tank. After the 2nd explosion under the hood, I knew that it was time to leave before me and my family could have been seriously injured. Knowing that a firetruck was on its way, I bounced as fast as I could. My biggest surprise is that no one else on scene (people were stopping to see if they could help) called 911. They just stood there, admiring that flaming car. SMH. I don't understand. At least I made the call and helped out in some way.

Gotta love family pictures.

The next day was a Rosie's birthday lunch with the rest of the family. I'm glad I was able to see Tony and his daughter Milan. I really missed seeing them all the time when I would go to San Francisco. After the lunch, we all gathered around and took this family photo...

Soon after, I got in my car, and drove the long and dull drive back to Sacramento, where it was back to reality... and school. Ugh... School... It's a lovehate thing.

Valentine.

Yuppp.... Rod was aight, got to see some really good winter shows although I didn't get a chance to see my alma mater. Maybe I'll get to see them at the Arm/FF shows. Anyway, now I'm off to Vallejo to see my fambam. Gotta love 4-day weekends, every weekend. Happy V-day!

Valentine - Ryan Leslie

I wonder...

if anyone actually reads my blog... hmm... Anyways...

IT'S OFFICIAL, AS OF 12/17/09, SCHOOL IS OUT!

This is what the next week is shaping up to look like:

Friday (today): Flight at 8:25am, SMF-ONT. SoCal here I come.

Saturday: Going to San Diego with Rashad. (Not sure why yet, but I think we're hittin' up the gaslamp district) :P

Sunday: Christmas dinner with the Ringl family in La Habra Heights

Monday: Rest day? lol.

Tuesday: Rashad & Dahlia's 21st! In Vegas for a one night stand.

Wednesday: Leave Vegas. Back in SoCal

Thursday: Christmas Eve. Christmas party?

Friday: Christmas. Parents might come to Riverside?

Anywho, it's about to go down... and I'm sure that me and Rashad will be hittin' up the gym while we're down there. :D

51 weeks, 6 days.

I'm approaching my 1-year anniversary of starting this blog, and I just needed to stress one thing.... This blog has been a great place for me to share my feelings and it has become my favorite free-writing outlet where I can just express myself, and write anything I want that is on my mind. It has been a great way to remember the (good & bad) things that have happened to me in the past year. I'm glad I've kept this sort of online diary.

Man, it's freezing outside. It's actually 32F outside right now so, technically it's freezing. lol.

So, this past weekend was great. My niece's Quinceanera was a lot of fun. They held it at the Gaia hotel in American Canyon which was a very nice hotel. I danced my ass off and looked pretty sharp in my teal-themed tux. I got to see all my family for which I always am thankful for.

Sacramento State Winter Ensemble is starting up again, and the drumline is looking almost (if not just) as big as the fall drumline. I hope we start to clean up soon, because I don't wanna be in a dirty snare-line (or drumline for that matter).

School is almost done with. I am so over this semester already. I'm so ready to start my 2 week vacation in SoCal in 11 days. I just have about 8 things to finish up on and then I'll be able to call it quits for school in 2009.

Speaking of the end of school, I'll be leaving for SoCal on Dec. 18th. It will be similar to last year where I enjoyed a Christmas dinner with my Ringl side of the family, and then spend the rest of the 2 weeks being with my cousins. Rashad and Dahlia will be turning 21 on Dec. 22nd, so I'm pretty excited about what may happen since WE ALL WILL BE FINALLY LEGAL!

Exciting times are ahead. I hope it only gets even better from here.

Thanksgiving

Let's all give thanks today for what we have. I want to give thanks to my family and friends for being there for me. I love you guys.

As for you... You really should feel ashamed. Love is a just game to you, huh? You don't realize that your actions hurt people around you. I'm not even referring to me this time... that's sad.

101 days of Summer: Review

So here I am, my last blog of my Summer. Class starts at 8AM and I should be getting to bed but I have so much to vent. Let's do this month by month.

May: Summer started on May 21st. I knew that this summer was gonna be an interesting one and I was all hyped up for it. First main event was my Lola's 95th b-day. There was some drama surrounding that b-day party but it was all eventually resolved. After Lola's 95th, me and my auntie Prescy drove from Vallejo to Riverside. It was a good road-trip and it was my first time actually doing the driving to Socal. I stayed in Riverside til May 29th. In that time, I was able to visit my Dad and bond with him almost everyday. I got to hang out with my cousins and have some random adventures with them. =) Rashad and I had a bunch of late night talks that I always enjoy having. We always talk about our future and how we want life to pan out. It's great because I feel like we were brothers from different mothers.... haha. So I then flew back to Oakland and went back to Sac that night to pick up my drums, THEN went back to Vallejo because I had Renegades camp the next day. Whew. What a good night that was. =)

June: Most of what I can remember June being was having skin issues from Sunburn. I had blisters from the sunburn to the point where I had to go to the ER twice in one day because it was just ridiculous what was happening to my skin. (I'm glad I don't have the same problem anymore.) Most of the month of June was dedicated to Renegades camps/shows on the weekends and traveling back and forth between Sac and Vallejo (hanging out with family and friends.)

July: July was a good month. July 4th I had a parade somewhere in Fremont for Renegades and then I enjoyed a good night of fireworks at ACMS. I also got a new car (we've had this car for a while but I just started to drive it). We held Rick's 22nd b-day party at the apartment in Sac the night before I drove to Socal, it was pretty rowdy in our small apartment, and it was definitely fun. The weekend of July 11 & 12, Renegades had the Socal tour. We had shows at Long Beach and East LA. It was a good weekend since I was able to see my cousins in Riverside, and for a few brief moments, I was able to see my father at his home in Walnut. After I saw my dad, I went to coffee with Rashad til like 2 am. We talked about our personal lives, and, it just was a good talk... (let's just leave it at that.) The drive back to Norcal was a marathon since I was running on 3 hours of sleep and I had a day of drum corps practice AND a show at ELAC. Had to give myself a few shots of Rockstars and RedBulls. July 15... my birthday. Well, I went to go to watch Harry Potter with a friend of mine. It was a pretty good night. I also went to Cache Creek and was able to (finally) play some BlackJack at "the creek". I lost money, but it was ok. The experience of going there for my birthday was all I asked for. The rest of that month was quite a blur in my memory. (More of the same, traveling between Sac and Vallejo, hanging with friends, hitting golf balls at the range, being with family, partying.)

August: Well, August was quite an interesting month. The beginning of it was pretty calm, other than going to Renegades camp. I also said farewell to my Lola as she went to the Philippines. She's coming back next month anyway so I'll get to see her next month! Yay, that makes me happy. The biggest part about August, and well, the ENTIRE summer was the SLO/LV trip. We left August 6th from Sac to SLO. We partied it up (well, my friends did, I was just being dumb), shopped, went to the beach, went to a bar, and just chilled with Matt, Justin, Rick, & Aimie. SLO was pretty cool. The Saturday night before we left for LV, we watched 21 (I love that movie). Apparently, that movie hyped us up soo much for LV that we decided to leave 3 hours early for LV than planned. So we did, and left at 2AM. hahahaha. We got to LV around 10AM. We stayed at the Flamingo... All I can say about Vegas is that I had the best time of my life. It was exactly how I thought it would be. We clubbed, pooled, gambled, ate great food, partied, got faded and walked around the strip, and just had a great time. It was great to go there with some great friends. We left headed back to Sac on Thursday. Which sucked cause we ALL missed LV, we didn't want to leave, and we had such a long drive ahead of us. Still, I had the best time of my life. Here's the crappy part of the month... I found out that the girl I was "dating" was cheating on me (I should have heeded the warning signs.) That's the main part of it. I don't want to get too into it, since than I was pretty (heavily) devastated and I didn't handle it all that well... I mean, I gave up a lot for her and I was treated like dirt. All I know is that I was wronged on so, so many levels by her. Oh well, I can't help her anymore. To end the month, and really the rest of my summer, I had 3 Renegades camps in a row and we have gotten better each time. I really happy with my improvement as a drummer. I've learned so much from Renegades and I've learned that drumming isn't just about beats, it's about how much mental focus you can force yourself to keeping to the task at hand. That's the hardest part of drum corps. It's 90% MENTAL.

Now, this leads me to where I am right now, It's 11:26 now and I've been typing for a while. I have school at 8AM (I don't really care that class is early, everything will work out fine.) My summer was filled with so many highs and lows. I've written down quite a bit of what I can remember of my summer off the top of my mind. I know there's plenty more things that have happened but it would take another 2 hours to write everything down. I've driven so much this summer, it's crazy. I mean, I've had 101 days this summer and I have so many new experiences that it just blows me away when I think about it. It was a great run. I regret nothing. I'll miss you, but you'll be back in 9 months. =]

Novena

Gonna drive to SF today.... on the way however I may make a pit stop in Vallejo and *possibly* going to see an old friend of mine and grabbing a cup of coffee.

Novena tonight, sponsored by my Auntie Medy. I hella miss August Novenas! Ever since I was a kid I loved going to them. Then back to Sac tonight.

=]

Goodbye

Saying goodbye can be hard to do, but saying goodbye allows us to be one step closer to saying hello once again.

I miss my Lola already. Well it's good to know she's on her way back home and seeing family. She'll be back soon, and I'll be counting the days. =]

If I haven't shown you my true feelings before, tonight was everything I've kept inside. You truly know me now.

This just in.

Gonna be on my way back to Vallejo tonight. My just called and asked me to come for my Grandma's despedida party tonight so I can't say no to my Lola. Less than 24 hours after I get back to Sactown, I'm about to get ready to head back to the bay... (What can I say? I love the bay.) Tomorrow I've gotta help my Lola get to SFO for her flight at 7pm. I'm gonna miss her so much. From what I've heard, she is planning on staying in the Philippines for good, which means I wont be able to see her until I get a chance to vacation in the PI. =(

This past weekend was great. Rosie's 16th B-day was fun and I had a good time with family, and although I couldn't see them as much as I wanted because of Renegades, I did have some quality time with all my cousins. We saw Funny People on Sunday night... The movie was aight, but wasn't as funny as I expected. Man, I can't wait to see my cousins again.

Magic number is 2. It's almost time.

Insomnia much?

I need to be awake at 7:30am. That's 4 hours from now. Why can't I sleep? Should've took that benadryl around 10pm. That would have definitely KO'd me a looong time ago.

My plan for today... Well I have to wake up at 7:30, make breakfast, get ready, be in Fairfield by 9:30 to help my cousin move, then whenever I finish go to American Canyon... It's my niece Rosemary's b-day! Happy B-day Rosie! My cousins from Riverside are supposedly coming. I say supposedly because it's always uncertain if my ALL my cousins are coming to the Bay Area. I think that they're gonna leave Riverside at 4:00am (Hey, that's 30 mins from now!) so they should be arriving in the early afternoon if all goes well. Then there's going to be a party at my cousin's house for Rosie's b-day and hopefully it will be fun.

This weekend is gonna be a drag. I'm not looking forward to Gades camp because it just feels like I'm tired of Drum Corps. The thing with Gades is, that as soon as camp starts, I start to enjoy the activity more and more. The anticipation of camp is a drag and is the only bad part. I truly enjoy the activity of marching percussion. Plus, I wont be able to hang out with my cousins while they're in NorCal so that's also a bummer about camp this weekend. Hey, at least it's not in Patterson and it's back on TI. :)

Now if only I could finally get to bed. :\

Sitting Outside.

It's a beautiful night. Sitting outside. It's so peaceful. I'm leaving later this morning back to the Bay Area. I don't want to ruin the moment, but I know I still have to pack and clean up my room. I tried something new tonight, something I never thought I'd ever do in my entire lifetime. I want to be able to look back at this night as the night I first tried it. It went better than I thought it would. There I said it, I'm never bashing anyone for their habit again.

Quite honestly, I'm beginning to realize how much me and my father are alike. It must be our genes, since I've barely been around him during my short lifetime. I look forward to seeing him again in July. I love being here. I love how great my family is. They're beautiful.