I'm Sorry

Someimes I wonder if I made the right decision. I know I did... I guess, but I just feel like we were two good people in two bad spots in our lives. It sucks, I know, and sometimes i want to talk to you...  I still miss you. I really do. I think about you and realize that you were a great person who i learned a lot from, but I can't forget the things you lied to me about - nor could I really accept those things and continue a life together with those things being a part of our relationship.

I could talk on and on for hours about this subject. And I could literally say I love you still. But I need to move on. For me. 

I believe there are a lot of great things still in store for me.

Goodnight.

First Post of 2015

I found out a new phrase today that I totally could identify with:

"Idle hands are the devil's advocate"

I really need to find purpose in life... no matter what that purpose may be. I just want to feel like the work I do will make an impact. Right now, the job search is cruel. We shall see in the coming weeks whether or not I can find a job. I feel like I need some sort of miracle to get the ball rolling to somewhere. I want this to happen so bad. Let's go Raymond.

Oh btw, Asia was fun. I don't regret anything.

Headed to South Korea!

I've spent the past 3-4 hours traveling from Kyoto at my hostel (Peace house). Met some really nice people there and had a really nice day going through Kyoto to a few different temples... I wish I had more time to go and really explore Kyoto, but Seoul is calling my name...

I'm going to be staying at the Bong House in Seoul.... The reviews say positive things about the hostel and the price is right... Just about $20 a day. That will nicely fit the budget. Currently, I am sitting in the terminal 2 gate area of KIX (Kansai) airport. My flight leaves in just under 90 minutes so I thought I would go ahead and just start typing away. I've felt like I've had a lot to say the past few days. Maybe it's because I am literally on my own on this journey and I feel like I need to be speaking my mind in one way or another. The music currently playing in my headphones-- Cavalier by James vincent McMorrow... I haven't heard of this artist until just today, because a friend suggested to listened to this song and I really just took off with it...

I hope I get the chance to talk to you before you head back to Sydney. My hope is that you don't end up going back home and I lose the connection I had with you early Wednesday morning.  I still keep going back to that in my head. I never thought, just from our brief conversation on Tuesday morning that i would keep in touch with you the way we have been. You were completely right, I feel like I have known you for years... It doesn't happen often with me, and so when it does, I really need to embrace it and appreciate the feelings that come along with it. 

I feel that traveling has helped me open up to others in ways that I wouldn't normally open up... This whole traveling thing has taken off with me. Like one of my many other addictions that I have grown to develop over my lifetime. I'm starting to appreciate that this is the way that I've been built, and I just need to embrace this part of myself rather than try to push it further down.... I've never felt truly happier, and I've never felt more alive...

Right now - I can't describe my emotions

I should be really excited and happy. But I feel like there's something missing. I'm not sure what that something is. I feel like I need to start over... I want to start over. I want to...

Learning to live more profoundly

I am learning to live life more fully everyday... Live more while consuming less... We all could learn that there's more to life than we currently think...

That's a goal I can get behind.

I want to learn about my spirit...
I want to learn about my thirst...
I want to learn about my ... self... what drives me? What drives you?

Can we all be better people and just learn to give back to others?

Strictly Technical

I really want to learn more of the programming skills that my job has to offer. I see it coming very soon in the future...

You

You're not who I thought you were.

Emotionally

Emotions have been really high lately... everything seems to be filled with emotion...

Keep going

This is what it's all about... what's the next stop???

I don't know.. and that's good.

intensity

Why do I need intensity to feel alive?

Is this true of most people, or just me?

Sigh...

idk if I should keep going, or if I should go back to what's comfortable...

Signing off.

Dad

Dad,

I hope you understand how much I think of you... and how much I wanted to know who you were... what you were like... I think it would help me understand why I am the way I am today....


I miss you Dad.

I could use your advice.

Last night

I love the feeling of when you are connecting with another human being. In brain biology, it's the same as a drug's effect on the brain.


A strong rush of dopamine... it's a great motivating driver for our behaviors... that's why love is so powerful.

And I failed again...

Barely making it these days... The struggle is real...

The urge...

I have this urge to wanna blog again... but I have nothing to blog about...


My job is pretty tough so far... I'm only training -- but my head is straight up spinning...

A lot to cover/learn in a short amount of time...

I'm refreshed though!


Hopefully tmrw night goes well!

Signing off -- Raymond