intensity

Why do I need intensity to feel alive?

Is this true of most people, or just me?

Sigh...

idk if I should keep going, or if I should go back to what's comfortable...

Signing off.

Dad

Dad,

I hope you understand how much I think of you... and how much I wanted to know who you were... what you were like... I think it would help me understand why I am the way I am today....


I miss you Dad.

I could use your advice.

Last night

I love the feeling of when you are connecting with another human being. In brain biology, it's the same as a drug's effect on the brain.


A strong rush of dopamine... it's a great motivating driver for our behaviors... that's why love is so powerful.

And I failed again...

Barely making it these days... The struggle is real...

The urge...

I have this urge to wanna blog again... but I have nothing to blog about...


My job is pretty tough so far... I'm only training -- but my head is straight up spinning...

A lot to cover/learn in a short amount of time...

I'm refreshed though!


Hopefully tmrw night goes well!

Signing off -- Raymond

The life

Some would say that where I am in life, right now, is the "primetime" of my life. It's time to get out there, be foolish, have fun, meet cool people, and just enjoy life...

There will never be a time as good as I have it now, where I will have my youthful/childishness/playfulness the same as I have it now.


Let's go out and enjoy the life, because it's such a beautiful one, at that...

Signing off...

-Raymond

Starting over...

At long last... I feel free again... I can do what I want. Freedom to do as I please...


Some might say that being single is necessary for self-discovery...

At least it's fun....

It's been a while since I've left my heart on my sleeve.

My heart can’t take this anymore.
I can’t being alone anymore.
I am alone in this relationship for two...
We say we are in a relationship, but we can’t be together.
this doesn’t make sense...

Why should I continue to torture myself?

Today was an awesome day

Today was an extra awesome day. It feels good when you know people believe in your leadership. I'm just very positive. Do what you gotta do.

Mentoring...

Even though I'm supposed to be helping you, I feel like your conversations help me better understand myself... You are a good person at heart.

My baby's getting fixed.

And she's gonna cost me a pretty penny.

But it's an investment that I'll have her for the next 3 years, so I want her to be in tip-top shape.

Man...

I need to lose this weight... I'm working out with out getting any results... just maintaining or on a surplus... i.e., gaining weight.

I need to figure this out.

I am not as strong as I used to be... I need to get back into cardio first... Once I get my stamina back, i'm sure my lifts will go back up where they used to be... I still remember being able to deadlift 315lbs, squat 275 pounds... 13 pull ups... 10-12 dips... and now I'm just like man... look at where I used to be. and look at where I am at now. barely can squat 225. barely can deadlift 225, bench a max of 185 like 1-2 times... 3-4 dips max, 3 pull ups max... I used to be strong!!!

Let's start this slow... be disciplined.

If you were only here.

I can't sleep.

Maybe it's because I miss you...

I feel centered when you're with me. I feel at home. I feel like we could be together for a very long time. I feel... good... when I'm with you.

Love.

I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Amy.